| asldkfj |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|11:29 pm] |
I really want to cry right now and nothing will come out because there is nothing to come out. I just want to be normal. Not so fucked up in the head. I'm ridiculuously fucked up in the head. I can't even spell. I can't do nothing right. Today I had the biggest urge to slit my wrist and lay in my bathtub as all the sanity spilled right out of me. Of course I'm to chicken shit to do anything about my pointless existence on earth. I need somebody to come up to me and tell me that I matter. That I make their day. That I am something. I really hurt right now. And nothing I say will make a difference. Nothing I do will amount to anything. I WANT!!!! Why didn't he like me??? I guess I'm just to awesome-his words exactly. Then why make up excuses NOT to see me. I hate my self in the worst possible way. I want to fucking die. Kill me????????????? so i wont have to. |
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| walking contradiction |
[Jan. 24th, 2006|09:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Valiant/"In The Dark" | ] |
I'm sitting here thinking how easy it was for me to change. How swift, like a fox, that it came upon me so fast. I can try and convince myself that I really haven't changed. What is a couple make-out buddies here and there? What is so terrible about making out at parties? It has become clear to me that I just go with the flow. One moral out the window one day another one following suit the next. Pretty soon what will be left?? Maybe it is a blessing in disguise when you guys call me a "whore bag" or a "make-out slut." I really want to change, but it is like I am numb to everything. Perhaps somebody drugged me in my sleep. Could this really be me on a heavy dose of novocaine? How does one go about change when she has no idea what to become. Where to go. And if anybody will follow. I have always wanted to be the girl who speaks her mind. The girl who has complete confidence in herself and is a tinge bit cocky. The girl others want to be. Most of all I don't want to be me. I hate the shy, invisible person I am. Sometimes I wonder if I disappeared would anybody notice? As I type this I get confused. Am I not the so called make-out slut, rapidly turning into an actual slut? I'm a walking contradiction. I can never decide on anything because I can see so many different sides of situations. Maybe I just go with the flow because I can't decide on which angle to go with. |
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| dumbshitmuthaFer |
[Jan. 20th, 2006|11:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | MCS/"The Future Freaks Me Out" | ] |
I wish I had something worth saying. Something worth writing. Something that people would read and want to read more. But no, unfortunatly, I am me and that doesn't equal out to much. I'm not worldy, or intellectual. Some might even call me dumb. And my whole journal is a joke. A waste of time. No one reads past the first two sentence. They realize that I'm going to go on and on about nothing important, nothing of value. Nothing worth reading. FUCKING READ THIS: I HATE MYSELF. |
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| why am i so damn lame? |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|08:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
Life's greatest questions:
Why is icecream so damn good?
Why is chocolate so damn good?
Why is frosting so damn good?
Why is caramel so damn good?
Okay this is really damn lame but I'm eating icecream right now and it is so damn good-why??? I can't be intellectual right now because I need to show my icecream some love! |
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| rant of the moment |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|06:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | TSC | ] |
I'm done with these childish games that people are playing lately. They are stupid and retarded. Don't judge me when you really have no idea what goes on in my head, you just think you do. On top of that you think you have every one figured out. That is a load of crock. Your as misearable and confused as the rest of us. If your not-stop pretending. And don't use me as a scapegoat when your day goes bad. That won't get you anywhere. |
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| rambling |
[Dec. 29th, 2005|10:13 pm] |
I'm finally laying my fingers on a lovely invention called a laptop. I freaking want one so bad. I might even say that would make me extreamely happy and I would finally be satisfied, but I never am. And I'm never happy. Watching Andi and Angie dance around trying to be Michael Jackson is turning me on hard core. Damn, no boyfriend to satisfy my needs anymore.
Hope is such an evil thing. Some reason every new piece of information brings me back to him....
Fuck it I think I'm crazy. I may have found a cure however. I really want to try prozack... |
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| oddly true in all aspects... |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|06:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
 |
lil_punkgirl took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Seeks success. Wants to overcome obstacles and opp..."
Click here to read the rest of the results.
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| this sucks |
[Sep. 27th, 2005|02:11 pm] |
Reasons Why I'm Annoyed Right Now:
purevolume won't work
i ate to much chinease & i have to poo but i'm at my b/f's house (to much info??)
i want sex
i have to work at four & it is my seventh day in a row
my b/f is playing a stupid video game upstairs |
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| VODKA |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|06:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
I started drinking @ 5:00, how long do you think it will take me to get drunk??? I'm drinking vodka, my killer of choice. I'm in a shitty mood due to work all day and every day so I'm in the mood to drink-oh no watch out!! I'm feeling stupid emotions right now that I can't even begin to describe. I just want to rewind this all and go back....
Is that a possiblity??? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|11:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| How to make a Megan |
Ingredients:
1 part anger
3 parts silliness
5 parts ego |
Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Serve with a slice of caring and a pinch of salt. Yum! |
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| *blush* |
[Sep. 18th, 2005|11:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover |
You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.
And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.
You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.
It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is. |
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| losing u to something better |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|10:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | rejected | ] |
I feel like I'm losing everything that I held dear.
I feel like I'm losing all of you to something better.
Don't get me wrong, I want you to have all the things you desire. But I also want you guys for myself. Maybe that makes me selfish??
Argh I hate this...
Everybody is moving forward and all I can do is go in rapid reverse... |
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| things go bump in my brain |
[Sep. 15th, 2005|06:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thirsty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 50 cent/"Outta Control" | ] |
I'm so scared that I wont be able to afford my brother's shithole. But I'm going to try and get as many hours from Walmart as possible. Hopefully that will be enough to live on and even possibly get out of debt. That would be nice. I know it is going to be rough trying to live on my Walfart salary. Though, free food from Molls really helps (thanks)! I might try to call Precision Optical soon and get a job that is going to pay better. I really really really need more money. Plus it would be nice working a 8-5. Although I dread waking up, the day seems to go faster. Even though I was a bit down about moving into my brother's place. Things are slightly looking up on the whole no shower situation. I'm really really starting to enjoy my daily bath. It is actually quiet relaxing, it gives me time to wind down from reality. And what can I say-bubble bath is the shitnizzle... |
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| happiness @ walmart |
[Sep. 13th, 2005|12:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
I'm finding more hours at Walmart is proving to be postive. I know-can you believe that?? I feel like such a bum. Not a broke, starving, college kid bum either. Just one who is lazy and doesn't work that much or go to school. Walmart is making that disipate little by little. So, thank you Walmart.
Ha ha, just kidding-Walmart is still hell, but hell is getting more bearable by the minute.
I definatly still want to leave and get the hell out, but who doesn't? Hell is greaner on the other side.
I really do wish things would have folded out in the end. That I would be happy in a new hell. Possibly one with a psycho roomie or one that would envolve me waking up at the butt crack of dawn every morning. Maybe next semester. Somehow I don't believe that will happen. I'm not going to get my hopes up this time...on the other hand I don't want to get stuck either. Bring on a new hell... |
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| curiosity killed me |
[Sep. 10th, 2005|12:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
"I will show you my ipod."
That could be kinky right? |
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| URGENT |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|11:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | peaceful | ] |
What do you do when you have to shit and your at your boyfriend's house???????????????
HELP ME!! |
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| i don't care, u don't care |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|11:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
I don't even see what the big deal is. Yeah, I opened up my big mouth, but noone even knew what I was talking about. We have all been victim to letting something slip. Don't deny it. You say you weren't mad, but you threw it in my face anyways. I'm just fed up with people pretending to be my friend. If you don't want to don't talk to me. The worst feeling in the world is when nobody cares, when you have been forgotten... |
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lil_punkgirl's journal
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